LET'S BE DEEP

Around cupertino the only truly beautiful views are city lights, and i'm getting kind of sick of them. I miss beaches and sunsets and palm trees and water that just goes on forever. I'm sick of the city lights, sketch benches, and expansive views of the bay. Not cause they stopped being beautiful, but cause i ruined them for myself. I've allowed myself to go up to these places for the wrong reasons, with the wrong people. I HAVE USED AND ABUSED THEM. Up until recently, these places were my bubbles of solace in cupertino. Places to go, sit my butt down, stay still, and just come back down to earth. Where i felt like all my problems disappeared, or if they didn't i could have someone tag along and help me banish them. I'd only be willing to share with someone special to me, someone who would be willing to come back down with me, or someone who needed my help. Away from all the jokes, college fears, gossip, foolishness, and worries. I gotta stop smiling sometimes right? (: I'd go to these places to just slow down time for a little bit, and i would almost always be with a someone. But in the past few weeks it's just been, "I'm bored lets go up _____." Do not like. Do not like going up for no reason and taking the view for granted. Going up and being loud, talking about pointless crap that just... disrespects the view. Do not like going up with people who don't mean too much to me. Sounds mean but theres probably only one person that falls in that category, so don't fret if youre reading this. I guess it's not too late to save my bubbles of solace, so I vow not to go up to one of these places with more than 3 people including me, someone who i barely know, for no point at all, or if the only reason is that i'm bored.

I guess all this leads to the deep, who are my real friends blah blah mushy gushy.
Life isn't short. Whoever said that died early, or had a terrible memory. Life is long, treacherous, full of obstacles, and crammed with people. Relationships build and fall, and the worst thing about them is that they have to end at some point. There's always an end. Actually, not necessarily a complete cut-off, but all relationships will meet a declining slope. I hate it. Close friends will leave, and maybe youll get to see them every few months, but it won't ever be the same. Maybe you'll meet them again in a few years, maybe you'll end up living with an old friend, but even then theres an inevitable decline. I'd rather not think about how i may never see some good friends again, but i can't help it. I am no pessimist (anymore haha). But i really can't see a good side to this (for me). I sound selfish. I am still happy for everyone though, not cause i have to be, but cause i genuinely am. As an optimist though, i will do my best to keep as close to those who leave, for my own sake. ha no one has even really left yet. this year will be bad, but next year will be terrible.

that wasn't too deep. the worst is yet to come!

wow this whole thing was really depressing.
on a happier note, "Every calendar's days are numbered."
ha. ha. get it.

i need to go to hawaii soon.

what are you doing on 12/12/12